doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
