I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
