singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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