Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
