Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
