Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
