actually, I'm a sock model
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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