I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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