another moral hangover. fuck.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
