what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
