he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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