I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
