i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
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you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders