Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on