If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.