How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
