Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?

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  (518): i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone? http://tfl.nu/iu7h
  Replies (11) Good night (1380) Bad night (2622)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what

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  (914): I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what http://tfl.nu/90g1
  Replies (3) Good night (3808) Bad night (774)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Adult decisions.

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  (206): Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility? (206): Adult decisions. http://tfl.nu/m22f
  Replies (3) Good night (1918) Bad night (930)
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  (718): View more from New York

  My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.

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  (718): My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life. http://tfl.nu/zkml
  Replies (6) Good night (863) Bad night (1376)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids

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  (302): I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids http://tfl.nu/6v45
  Replies (15) Good night (1879) Bad night (1139)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.

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  (614): If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health. http://tfl.nu/8ftn
  Replies (7) Good night (1585) Bad night (933)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?

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  (251): How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama? http://tfl.nu/p6aj
  Replies (14) Good night (984) Bad night (2571)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER

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  (+44): HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER http://tfl.nu/mt7u
  Replies (5) Good night (1343) Bad night (434)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  But theres a keg here and me gusta

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  (267): But theres a keg here and me gusta http://tfl.nu/yus2
  Replies (6) Good night (1328) Bad night (538)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.

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  (904): It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo. http://tfl.nu/jdtj
  Replies (9) Good night (2265) Bad night (498)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.

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  (304): I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's. http://tfl.nu/kb4r
  Replies (1) Good night (492) Bad night (366)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido

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  (214): I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido http://tfl.nu/vkd6
  Replies (4) Good night (727) Bad night (326)
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  (596): View more from

  Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.

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  (596): Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop. http://tfl.nu/tzap
  Replies (3) Good night (729) Bad night (300)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.

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  (919): As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage. http://tfl.nu/44x8
  Replies (0) Good night (605) Bad night (260)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas

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  (780): I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas http://tfl.nu/5l5x
  Replies (6) Good night (603) Bad night (261)

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