careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
