i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
