Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
