Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dear god my vagina.
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