i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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