i was rollin on her like bob the builder
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
