Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
