how can u be prego again
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
