I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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