Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
