This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
