I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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