he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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