While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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