I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
