I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
