My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
