You really coming over, don't trick.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
