So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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