I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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