Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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