just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
