yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
