In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
