just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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