I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
