Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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