I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
