Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
