I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
