Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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