I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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