And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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