I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
