I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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