plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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