After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
