I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
