dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I supernannyed him into submission
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
