Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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