I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
