If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
