I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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