I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
