i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We are two peas in an std pod
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize