Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
