You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
