So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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