Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Randomize