There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
