Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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