Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
