Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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