He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
