She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
