I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
