I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
