So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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