never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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