you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
