do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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