1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
