I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
