I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
