he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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