well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
