I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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