Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
