I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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